You Really Do Learn Something New Every Day!
by Skillet-Writer
Summary: After Lisa is teased for lacking knowledge on the female anatomy, she is determined to prove to her older sisters that she truly does know it all!
1. Touchy Subjects

**Hello, friends! My name is Skillet-Writer, and today I'm bringing you a fanfiction I created solely for entertainment. Yes, I myself am a female, so the content in this story should be relatively relatable. Normally, my stories are more detailed and serious, but I was eager to publish my first online story! Let me know how you like it!**

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Lisa snuck into the bathroom with gloves on and a bag on her shoulder. She had dirty little plans, and these weren't for her poop study, either.

A few hours earlier, the older girls had teased Lisa about being so smart yet knowing almost nothing about the female anatomy. It had shocked Lisa, for she knew many interesting and gross things about both her own gender and Lincoln's.

Lisa decided to get revenge by finding something personal in the trash can to give a lecture, speech, or lesson about. She reached into the trash can to find a white wad wrapped in toilet paper. The genius unwrapped it to reveal a used pad. "Success!" And to her joy, she even found a wrapped up tampon as well. Not to mention someone left a bra in the towel closet. She tucked them into her bag.

Lisa knocked on the door of Lori's room where all the older girls could be heard playing Uno. "Knock knock!" Lisa called. She rolled her eyes when she heard Luan's voice ask, "Who's there?"

Lisa decided to come up with a joke to impress Luan. After a few seconds she replied. "Lisa..." She smirked to herself.

"Lisa who?"

"Lisa can do is let me in, Joker!" It sounded a little harsh, but was all too impressive to Luan. "No, seriously," the four year old stated. "Let me in. We need to talk. Maybe about 'The Talk'," she whispered the last part.

The girls whispered to each other secretly, and after a few seconds Luna quickly opened the door. "Come join us in Uno, dude!"

"Yeah!" Lynn punched Lisa in the arm playfully. "I've already called Uno, so you won't have much of a chance, but y'know.."

"Do you have different games in your bag?" Leni asked. Lisa shook her head, and Leni smiled kindly. "Well, maybe you'll understand this game better than me, being the genius you are. Why would you shout 'oh no' if having one card left is a good thing? Or, is it a bad thing? And then the colors and numbers are terribly mismatched. If red is the first color of the rainbow, like everyone says, than why is a card labeled '2' colored red?"

Lisa crossed her arms, and glared at the group of older sisters playing cards in front of her. "That's not why I came in here." She adjusted the bag's strap on her shoulder.

"Look, Lis, if it's about the teasing, us girls are totally over it. You don't know much about a woman's body. So what? It's no reason to tease you," Lori said, laying down a blue two on top of a blue seven. "Uno!"

"Well I'm 'totally' not over it!" Lisa snapped. "I know much more about you girls than you know about yourselves. I can prove it."

Lynn played a Wild Card. "Changing the color to yellow! And, prove it, Lisa! Right here, right now."

"Yeah. Tell us some things you know about our developing bodies," Luan said as she rubbed her hand down her clothed chest.

Lisa crawled up onto Leni's bed with some assistance. "Give er' ass a little shove," Lori had instructed.

The little genius straightened her glasses and reached into her bag. From the bag she withdrew a black bra. "Who here wears A cups? The one with the extra padded comfort. Perfect for sport and play. Modesty pads. Oh, wait, I know... Lynn!"

Lynn's face turned red as she dropped her last card, revealing a green reverse. "Do not!"

"Do too," Lisa insisted. "I caught you on my security c- ..What I meant is that I've seen you dressing many times. Many, many times." She crossed her arms. "So let me give you guys a little lecture-"

Many groans filled the room. They expected something boring on how bras are made, or who first invented the bra, or what the bras "original" purpose was.

"On puberty!" Lisa cried. She smiled devilishly.

Everyone blushed. It was not what they had expected. They hoped Lisa would not talk about touchy subjects, but she did.

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 **Weird, right? Well, more chapters coming up! I wrote this chapter back in October, but I never finished it. Last night I added more to the story because, well, it's pretty funny! A lot of humor coming up. Stay tuned!**


	2. That Time of the Month

**The last chapter was only the beginning! In Chapter 2, Lisa will touch on the subject of puberty and menstruation. Some may consider it taboo, but we all grow up, don't we? Well, some of us do. Anyways, I hope you get a good laugh out of this chapter. It took some time, but it was definitely worth it! Thanks for the reviews.**

 ** _Guest: Please don't, Lisa even handling used tampons is gross enough._**

 ** _My reply: Yes, it is gross. So are her fecal studies._**

 **Also, I'm giving you a warning. Mild cursing is included in this chapter.**

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"...and the breasts, scientifically called the mammary glands, develop around the age of nine, sometimes earlier, sometimes later. I'm looking at you, late bloomer." Lisa glared at Luna.

The rockstar looked quite offended. "Just cause' my buds are duds doesn't mean I can't attract peeps like a magnet. You see, Lis, it's all about the moves, not the boobs." She smiled proudly as she shuffled the deck of Uno cards.

"That's aside the point. What I'm saying is that you are just a part of the few percent of females who progress in puberty at a later age," Lisa spat.

Lynn groaned. "Ugh, this puberty shit is getting on my nerves. Can we get back to Uno?" She began passing out cards to the players.

"The tone of your voice and your use of profanity is sending me some relatively blatant signals. You embarrassed, Junior?" The scientist smirked.

"Listen up, four eyes. I want you to stop your little shenanigans! I think everyone wants to get back to the game. Am I right, guys?" She handed some downturned cards to her comedienne sister.

Luan shook her head. "As awkward as Lisa's lecture is, I can "breast" assured that I'll learn something new about my body." She looked up attentively at Lisa, who was pulling something white from her bag.

"Thank you, Luan. But I'm gonna have to ask you to save the jokes," the child prodigy commented.

"Dang it, Lisa! I had a good one. It was enough to take your "breast" away!" She laughed, examining her cards.

Lisa groaned. "I'm going to pay no attention to your foolishness. Anyway," she huffed as she rolled her eyes, "I'm sure you all are pondering what I have contained within my metacarpus."

"Your whats-its?"

"My hand! I'm sure you are all wondering what I have in my hand!"

Leni raised her card-filled hand eagerly. "Oh, I know! It totes looks like a tissue!"

Lori raised an eyebrow. "Did you say... diss Hugh?" She looked offended.

Then every sister, except for Lisa, let their shoulders drop to their sides as they moaned, Uno cards fluttering to the floor. "Hugh..."

"Snap out of it, you simpletons!" Lisa fumed. She balled one hand into a fist and held the presumed "tissue" up for all to see with the other. It was speckled with red. Once she had her sisters' full attention, she announced, "This is a used tampon, which was wrapped in toilet paper."

"O. M. gosh you guys! Lisa's becoming a woman!" the ditzy blonde exclaimed, tossing a Wild Card at the Uno deck. "Oh, and I'm also totes changing the color to green."

"I guess our little genius is experiencing premature puberty. After all, Lis did say that younger gals can get hit by Aunt Flo," Luna laughed, placing a green '5' on top of Leni's Wild Card.

"I thought we only had Aunts names Ruth and Shirley."

"Oh, will you halfwits shut up for a moment!" Lisa took a moment to catch her breath. "For Einstein's sake, can we all just be quiet. No, I am not experiencing a menstrual cycle. Heaven forbid that happens anytime soon. No, this is not my tampon. And no, I am not pubescent!"

"Don't get all worked up over a little misconception!" Lori snapped.

The four-year-old panted softly. "I'll try not to, now may I please continue?" Her siblings nodded in confirmation. "Alright, then. So be it." She got comfortable on Leni's bed and prepared to lecture. "As you can see, the tampon is covered in erythrocytes, street..."

"Covered in what?" Lynn groaned.

"I was going to say, street name: blood, before you so rudely interrupted."

"If that's the case, you could have just said blood to begin with."

"W-well, I suppose that's true." Lisa facepalmed. "Ah! Never mind. This is too stressful. As I was saying, this tampon is covered in blood. Why? Because every month the uterus lining gets thicker to prepare for a fertilized egg if the of age female becomes pregnant..."

Luna gritted her teeth. "Well, I'm not banging anytime soon, so why should I have to go through this bloody mess?"

"Good pun, Luna," Luan laughed.

"Wait. What?"

Lisa cursed inwardly. "I need patience," she mumbled. She cleared her throat loudly. "Alright, so if the egg isn't fertilized with a sperm, that lining is released from the female as blood through the vaginal opening. This process occurs every month, and is known as a menstrual cycle, street name: period." She unwrapped the used tampon. "I found this in the bathroom, so I'm assuming one of you is currently on your cycle."

Lynn's face burned red. "There's no point in trying to lie my way out of this one. I put my tamps in the bathroom trashcan because Lucy's a freaking pervert! She seriously tried sucking on my personal hygiene shit." She fumbled with the cards in her hand.

"Thats literally gross," Lori gagged as she mixed up the game of Uno with a blue reverse card. "Does she even know where the blood came from?"

Luan played a yellow '6' card, cheating. "I'd say Lucy's a blood sucking 'tampire'!"

"Ew! Ew! Ew!" Leni screamed. "Gross! Lucy's like, a human spider-thingy!"

"She's a real life Spider-Woman, dudes!" Luna proclaimed, slapping down a yellow 'take 4' onto the scattered pile of Uno cards "Boom, Lynn! Take four."

"You guys gotta be kidding me! You're cheating?" The athlete threw her hands up in the air.

Lisa frowned. "Ahem!" she boomed, catching their attention. "Lynn, during your cycle, do you feel any different than you feel during the rest of the month?"

The athlete hid her face behind her playing cards. "Well, I suppose. I mean, I can't play as well during gym. I get cramps, and they hurt like hell! I drink plenty of fluids so I don't know what's up with that." She shrugged.

Lisa smirked, knowing full well she was indeed smarter when it came to personal hygiene and the like. "Well, you'll experience these cramps..."

"When you're on your period," Lori cut off the scientist for fun, "as agonizing as it is, you should exercise. It literally works!"

Lynn crossed her arms, watching as Lori set down a Wild Card and changed the color to blue. "But Lori, I do plenty of exercising. I'm the sportiest Loud in this House, for crying out loud!" She paused. "No pun intended."

Luan burst out in a fit of laughter. "Oh, Lynn! You do have your comical side." Again, she cheated at Uno.

Lisa shook her head. "Might I add that orgasms help relieve the discomfort?" She displayed a simpering smile when she caught her siblings full attention.

"Like, what?" Leni asked, baffled. "I... I think I know what Lisa's talking about."

Lori showed strong antipathy towards the very thought of having, well, "that" during the bloody mess that is a period. "Lisa, you've literally got to be kidding! A. That's gross. B. You're a four-year-old who shouldn't be thinking about these things."

"Yeah, Lisa," Luan added, "it's a really 'touchy' subject!"

Groans followed.

"But," the comedian continued, "on the other hand it's good."

More groans.

Lisa looked defeated. It seemed she just couldn't hold on to even a few _minutes_ of her sisters' attention. "Um, sisters... This has been a lively conversation, but I'm afraid I must bring this lecture to a close. Dismissed!"

The young genius ignored the frowns of her older siblings, packed up her bag, and headed for the bedroom exit. She jumped up, grasped the doorknob, and pulled open the door.

 _Lincoln fell face first into the carpet._

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 **Woah. Yeah, that totally did just happen. Lincoln eavesdropping? It had to be done. Well, I need an honest answer.**

 ** _Should I continue?_**

 **It'd be funny to see how the story progresses. Remember, this story is only for entertainment and a good laugh. I don't mean for it to be taken too seriously.**


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